DISCLAIMER: This one is a bit of a tough love post. So if you're ready to have you're wanting a quick solution where a superhero swoops in and gives you the validation you are seeking, this is not that. You are not going to get THE ANSWER as such from this post, BUT you will get a method to help you to give yourself the answer and validation that you crave.
If you're waiting for someone to come along and pat you on the back and tell you that you're doing a good job, that you've made the right decision, or that you're onto a good idea, you're going to be waiting a long time because I'm sorry to tell you but that validation you're waiting for from someone else is not coming. But you can give it to yourself, and it will feel so much more liberating than any validation or approval that anyone else can ever give you.
Do you often find that you make certain choices or decisions and wish that someone else will validate your choice and tell you that you have made the "right" one? Do you constantly seek validation and approval from others? And do you often feel unfulfilled in your life?
Whilst these things can occur for a number of reasons, one of the most common reason that this occurs is because you aren't living in true alignment with yourself. You are turning outwards rather than inwards for the answers you are seeking.
How to give yourself the validation you are seeking from others?
- Get clear on what it is that you are hoping to hear from someone else. Write it down.
(Note: I find that writing things down really helps you to unpack and better understand what is going on in your brain and what is blocking you/coming up for you). - Write out the exact script/wording of the validation that you want to get from someone else.
(Note: You can even write it in their 'voice' so that it actually feels like they have written it down). - Find a space with a mirror and stand/sit it front of it.
- Take some deep breaths and get comfortable.
- Read the statement that you wrote out to yourself - read it out loud, not just in your head.
- Notice how it makes you feel and then it can often be helpful to place one hand on your heart and read it to yourself again.
- Look yourself in the eye and tell yourself "This is the validation I have been wanting, and now I have got it. I am validating myself. I am validating myself."
Once you realise that you no longer need to wait until others are ready to give you their approval or validation, you will be unstoppable. You will no longer feel the need to over-explain or seek permission from others for showing up in a way that is authentic and integral to you and the life you want to live.
You will begin to feel so much more connected to yourself and your own inner wisdom about what you want.
When you have spent so long denying your own opinions, preferences and wants, it's hard to remember what they are. But when you turn up the volume on your own intuition and turn down the volume of everyone else around you, your intuition becomes much louder so it's hard to miss.
I would really love to know if you have experienced this feeling of need to have others approve of you and validate your decisions or even just who you are as a person? How have these situations left you feeling? Did it leave you feeling empowered or disempowered? Why do you think?
What comes up for you when you read these questions? I'd love for you to share with me.
I think it's so common for us to seek validation and approval from outside of ourselves, because that is what we have been conditioned to do by society. We have been told that our opinions of our own choices matter less than others and less than what society deems as the "right" thing to do.
However, this just crap!
YOUR opinions of yourself come first, and are the MOST important.
And a bit of tough love for you: Some people may never ever approve or validate you in the way that you want and so are you just going to sit and wait until you get that validation? You will literally be wasting your life! You cannot do this. You are so much more than this. And there is also no amount of approval and validation from others that will ever fill the void in you if you don't also approve and validate yourself. You are the key to this. If you don't approve of yourself and you don't validate yourself, and you continue to seek this from others, you will never get a point where you actually validate or approve of yourself because you simply are letting others tell you if you should or not.
Once you start tuning inwards for your validation and approval you will feel so much more confident and sure of yourself. You will no longer seek this from others and so you will no longer be placing your power in others hands. Remember, others don't necessarily have the same values and goals as you, and so by putting your decision-making power or your sense of self in someone else's hands, you may end up making decisions and living a life which is totally out of alignment to you, your values and your goals.
So … It's time to re-write the narrative you tell yourself and put your own opinions, beliefs, feelings and wants at the forefront of your mind.
You deserve to live a life that makes you happy and fulfills you!
Keep showing up for you gorgeous!
Jordy xx