Have you ever caught yourself thinking "Oh my gosh, that person is so weird. Why do they wear clothes like that?" or something like that? Or you find yourself looking at other people and judging them for the way they do specific things or nit-picking at people in your life and the way they do things or why they are the way they are?
I can definitely relate to this. I am definitely someone who has done their fair share of judgement (as I am sure we all have), but it's something I am keen to leave behind in 2023. And it's actually one of my "outs" for 2024! So I am really committed to living by that intention in this new year!
I have been doing a lot of inner work recently, and I received this download about judgement and its role in my life and in other people's lives more generally. I noticed that the more I judged, the more negative I would feel and the opportunities it would provide me to be even more negative throughout my day.
Remember: JUDGEMENT IS JUST PROJECTION.
This is something that I have really been focussing on this year so far is reminding myself of this phrase. I have found that when I remind myself of this, I am better able to put my thoughts and feelings into perspective and understand what I am actually feeling and why I may be feeling that way. It also helps me to catch myself out on things that I might need to work on myself and am merely thinking is another person's problem and therefore abdicating the blame onto someone else rather than having to face myself imperfections head on.
It's really important to remember that when you feel that you're being judged to just ask yourself what it might be telling you about yourself and what it might be highlighting in you that you have not accepted.
WHAT I'M DOING DIFFERENTLY IN 2024
I decided at the end of last year that 2024 was going to be different for me and that I was not going to entertain judgement as part of the next level version of myself. I was going to demand a higher standard of myself (and others) for my life in 2024. I was not longer willing to sit in victim mentality or a scarcity mindset - if I wanted something, it is my job to go out there and get it!
So this year, I have started developing strategies and coping mechanisms which allow me to catch myself when I notice I am falling back into old thought patterns or behaviours that are not in alignment with my next level self.
When it comes to judgement specifically, I have got two phrases that I say to myself to just check myself when I'm the one doing the judging and then also to affirm myself when I feel that I am being judged.
When I am doing the judging:
When I notice that I am judging someone, I say to myself: "I'm just projecting onto them what I'm frustrated/insecure about within myself."
When others are judging me:
When I feel like others are projecting onto me and judging me, I say to myself: "They're just projecting onto me what they're frustrated/insecure about within themselves."
I have found both of these phrases to be super helpful for me in bringing down my ego and connecting with myself on a deeper level. I seem to be continuously catching myself when I feel that I am about to judge someone and I have found that in these moments (or following these moments) it can be very helpful to ask yourself the following questions:
- What is my need to judge others telling me about what I have not yet accepted about myself?
(If the judgement is not you doing the judging but rather someone else is judging you, it can be helpful to re-word this question to be: "What is this judgement highlighting in this person that they have not yet accepted about themselves?". - Where is this need to judge coming from?
- What feelings are associated with this judgement?
- Do I want or need what I am judging in this other person?
- Is it a want?, or
- Do I need it to become the person I want to be?
- How would judging this person make me feel better about myself?
- What am I projecting onto this other person that I need to work through first within myself?
It can be helpful to remember that others' behaviours and judgement is more a reflection on them rather than you, however it can also be humbling to remember that if that is true for them, then the same will be true for you. And this can be an incredibly powerful thing to dig into to better understand yourself and take yourself to the next level in your life. A lot of this work starts with awareness - it's not until we are aware of something that we can then take steps to change it.
I'd love for you to share with me if you try any of the above tips or strategies! Leave a comment below and we can have a chat about what comes up for you - I find this part of shadow work SUPER interesting and so empowering!
Love always,
xx