Have you ever found yourself comparing yourself to some you've just met, a stranger, a friend, a work-colleague, a boss, perhaps? Have you ever wondered how you can stop being who you are and be more like them?
Well, if you have, I have another question for you… have you ever thought that this might be an act of self-betrayal?
I have been doing some self-reflection lately and I am have come across this idea from my own personal experiences and behaviour. I have noticed that when I see someone wearing something I like and I think they look good in, I automatically feel like I need to get that same thing so that I can look good in that garment as well.
One thing to note, and something that I have become increasingly aware of, is that not all clothes look the same on everyone. In fact, since everyone has a different body, clothes are more likely than not to look different on each person. Therefore, it can actually be more frustrating and cause you to dislike your body even more when you try something on, that you think looks good on someone else, and you find that it doesn't look how you were hoping it would look on you.
And despite this not being your fault, it can be a hard pill to swallow, and can even cause you to feel negatively about your body.
For example, this often arises for me when I want to try bikinis on. I will see what the models look like when they wear the bikini and then when I go to try the bikini on, it doesn't look on me how it looks on them. This will often cause me to feel bad about my body and the way that I look and feel about myself.
I often wish that I can be like other people that I meet and come across in life because I view them as "having it all" and being better than me. Usually this is often accompanied by other self-deprecating self-talk (which I am working on).
But often you may think about copying others as a way to feel better about ourselves (not always I know). I mean sometimes you can actually just want to have the same coffee order or meal choice as someone else, and that's absolutely fine. Where it becomes an issues is where you start changing elements of yourself so that you can be less like YOU and more like THEM!
I am so guilty of this. I will see that someone is wearing something and feel like what I am wearing doesn't look anywhere near as good on me as what they're wearing looks on them. And so then I start attributing worth to the clothes and likening that to what that says about me. For example, "Oh my gosh, she looks so much better in what she is wearing, but if I wore that it wouldn't look anywhere near as good on me as it does on her. Therefore, I must be less worthy than her." Now I know that sounds really silly, but often that is what you are thinking subconsciously even if you don't feel like you are thinking that consciously.
It's interesting to catch yourself mid-thought especially when you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else. Catch yourself and ask: "What about this person has triggered a wound in me? And what wound has been triggered?"
For me, I often find that my FOMO (fear of missing out) wound gets triggered, especially when it comes to clothes, shoes, etc. I feel like if I didn't get on board with a particular fashion trend that it means that I am "not cool" or not "good enough". (The whole idea of "enough-ness" is a conversation for another day!)
I would encourage you to start to question the thoughts you have around why you "should" do things like others or why you "should" be like someone else.
TIP: The presence of a "should" is an indicator that you are doing something for a reason other than because YOU want to do it.
I know this is not always the case and it's easy to get into the habit of saying that "should" do something because you feel that you ought to. However, I would encourage you to use the would "could" as it has a more positive connotation. The way I see it is that "could" denotes a possibility about what you "could" do rather than an obligation about what you "should" do.
I'd love for you to share with me and the SSU community so we can destigmatise some of these "shoulds" that you cast upon yourself.
What things do you "should" yourself about? How have these "shoulds" impacted your life and the person that you show up as each day?
Keep showing up for you gorgeous!
Jordy xx